February 24, 2009

Love VS Friendship VS Life Goals

Salam... ukhuwwah fillah...

It's only now that I come to realize about what I really want to do with my life... I'm a kind of person who always take a lot of effort thinking about things... a lot of things... I sometimes admit that I'm a little paranoid of the things to happen in the days ahead. So, I plan almost everything on my schedule so I won't be caught in trouble (like I'm a so-called well-organized geek but actually I am not...haha…)


I'm not sure where to start... Everything comes clustering in my head tonight, altogether... all at once... I've been giving it deep thinking and here's what I think...


When it comes to making decision about life (and love and relationship…and friendship…), I’ve become this some sort of superbly secured decision-maker in the world… I would think of every bit and details of the consequences and come outs from the decision I made… This irritates me most of the time… I hate myself for thinking about things too much… I hate myself for thinking too critically… but I end up being indecisive…

Until today, I struggle to gain most of my life… experience, knowledge, opportunities, and even love… I am never satisfied with what I got today… nobody does, right…? And there again, I would sit down and write and think at the same time about everything I need to do, all over again… I admit that I am a perfectionist, I always do my work to perfection... I won't stop until I got it all done so perfectly...


People might hate me for the way I think, but I take everything so seriously so I’ll be secured at the end of the day… Life needs a plan and I hold on to it all along… Choosing the right courses, picking the right guy, blending myself in the right crowd of friends… Everything comes with a plan…


But right now, I’ve shared a lot of thoughts with the people I trust and it fills me inside. I grab hold more of myself. There were so many times that I broke down and cried for not accomplishing what I want, and I realized that God always have better plans than I do… so I take my time to breathe in while thinking of my life going-ons more steadily... I think I've become a more laid-back person now... I try...


I thought I was lost, once… I really want to live my life full of love and I’m putting so much hope on this one guy… I don’t know what would become of us… I took the courage to express everything I have inside… he didn’t do the same thing that I hope he would… One thing I learned: Never put too much hope on the uncertain things… You’ll end up empty-handed and you’ll even land off crashing hard to the ground…


I have everything I need right now… [except for the fact that my abah’s gone, he can’t make it until my graduation day…=( ]. I have bunch of friends who love me more than I know – here goes to Jaja, (tons of love for you), Wideeya (craziest friend I can’t find another), Rakna (always there no matter what), and Raiz (you’re my best friend ever, dude…. You’re always there when things started crashing off, and you’ll pick up every pieces and make me smile again… No, you make me laugh hilariously with your super great jokes… damn it, that you’re so far away in France… balik lar sini cepat, wei…! Giler rindu kau…!!) Haha… as if you're reading this… But if you really do, please know that I always treasure the friendship between us… Since the very first time we met in PKTR until today, nothing got changed... and it will not, forever and ever…


I don’t know what I’m saying… It's getting late and I'm already all flowery.... (it's the most suitable word for 'jiwang', I guess... haha... merepek dah ni...) I have morning classes tomorrow... If anybody finds my English faulty, please correct me, alright… Appreciate your time reading this post… It’s my practice… I REALLY need to improve on my language… especially English, of course…

So long, people...

Salam...

and have a nice day... ~0^_^0~

3 comments:

Affan Azami said...

u have a very good english okay. though im not convinced with the word "flowery"? haha

when is ur graduation day?

maPieCeoFarT said...

affan...

aiyarkk.. hahahah..!! how do i say 'jiwang' then? anyone...? =)

Insya Allah... if i'm not mistaken it's gonna be in September, end of this year... pray for me, fwen...!! =)

Affan Azami said...

always will! insy Allah!

p/s- me dunno either! haha

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