H.E.Y...! H.O....!

On the night of my birthday, I didn't have a wish list. Not a single wish, at all.

On the day after my birthday, I was uttering words of hatred.

But now, on the tenth day after my birthday, I finally get the feeling of the happiest birthday.

Mama, I was so far away from home and indeed I couldn't come home to you... but through the wind, I can feel the warmth of your love... Thanks for bringing me to this world, raising me up, enduring my stubbornness, naughtiness and sadness all these years... Thanks for all the time you've spent for me, I can never repay you. And special thanks for your effort and time to knit the hankie for me... I love it! You just made my day... after all miserable things I've gone through, yes dear Mama, you just made my day... I miss you more than ever...



And my super beloved sister, Oyoyoit, for a lovely red Kim Rogers sweater...! Damn, this is expensive... and I love it! Thanks for dropping by... and for the whole bag of tidbits...




To Abah, I won't forget you. I can still feel your presence near me, in fact, in me. I will always love you... It's my 22nd. birthday, Bah... How your little girl have grown up so fast! =)




I miss my dearest friend too. I always pray for her happiness and well being, though she's thousands miles away from me... I miss you so, bestie...!

Of Being Loved and Lovable

Salam ukhuwwah fillah...


My production team and I were having a script reading session this evening. We've been having sessions such as this one we had today in order to be close to the talents we're working with; kids. We started it since Tuesday, and today was our fifth session.

Yes, it was quite a challenge to handle children ranging of age 10 and 11 when it comes to shooting a film. Everybody knows that. But, thank God, we got along so well, they're just too smart for a kid; except for the time they took to be comfortable with us and totally open up... but I think we're doing just fine. We practiced the script, had meals, laughed and danced: together. And I'm just plain happy to be with them.

I had a super hard week (actually, month) with works and all, not to mention my personal problems that is slowly killing me. But it all went away just like that, when we were about to send them back just now.

Lily held out her arms to hug me. I hugged her. When Shaz saw it, she said she wanted to hug me too. And so, I hugged her, for far too long. We were standing in the middle of kandang and people were looking at us. Yeah, she was still carrying her violin case on her back and hugged me tight. At first I was embarrassed, but after a while, she let go. I didn't really care though, because after so long, today I felt so loved. And that made me feel blessed.

I just knew what the previous sessions made us - closer. I feel so lovable. I do love kids, babies and cats. I think that makes me a loving person, but I just came to realize that I seldom being loved back.

But today, I did.

* Dear Shaz, Lily, Alysa and Ashvini. We love you girls very much... =)

Not So Sunday

All my life, I've never felt this way.

I know I have no problem with rejection.

I can live with it.

But this time, I think I do.

I don't need no care, in fact, I just want to care.

But still, if I'm unwanted here, I'll just leave.

You got my hands down.

No words needed to be said.

But, I don't want to end it this way.



And even today is Sunday, it doesn't feel like Sunday.