August 25, 2008

aLL i waNteD...

Salam... ukhuwwah fillah...

…this has got nothing to do with any song title you’ve ever heard…and this is not a poem…so, don’t read like one…

I don’t know if we actually understand the meaning of life…

During the good years that we live, the good and bad things we’ve been through

Until this very long 20 years I’ve been living

I still don’t understand what I truly want; to do, to have, to achieve, to prove, to show to the world, to keep to myself till the day I die…

I am never satisfied of what I own

And I am wondering what I would do in the years to come

I just shared my loneliness with myself (again) alone…

I don’t make myself promises

I could never keep them well

I am always a forever follower

Because I don’t actually have what I pretend to have

They just remained as unrealized desires…

Sometimes I want to fly up there so high

Sometimes I want to crawl down here, force a fake smile and lie

I am always a copy of someone else or something I adore

I am never the person of my own self…

I want to do things that give big impacts

I want to pretend being happy though my tears are streaming down fast

I want to be great, achieving something that would smash others with a blast

I just want to write something powerful

But I realize I’m just copying off someone else’s poems

I want to speak so fluently, so powerfully so that I can rule

But I know I am just imitating words, and I would just annoy those who listen to them

I want to be known of my own wisdom

But I realize I’m just making up something that I don’t really have…

I tried to be someone else

I am frustrated of being me

I dream to be some other person I always wanted to be

I once let myself fell apart, because I fail to be sure

To think about things positively, that had never occur

So I break every part in me with wounds I couldn’t cure

I cried so hard, I couldn’t speak of me anymore

But then I looked into myself… very deeply down to the core

I found something…

That for so long I’ve been looking for…

I found ME

And it made me open my heart suddenly…

I want to be proud of myself

I want to be known as good people

I want to be rich – in material, heart and soul…

I want to be wise, no longer making the wrong decision

I want to be true, no more lie and pretend

I want to be good, no more having bad thoughts of the people around me

I want to be happy and make others happy

I want to be cheerful so naturally without a fake smile

I want to be positive and slash all the negativity

I want to be inspirational, not only to myself but everyone I see

I want to be free so I don’t have to follow or being tied to anybody

I want to be lovable, so that I would have some space to love and let others love me

I want to be close to my Lord, and let Him love me in return

I want to be thankful just for all that I have

I want to be just fine

Gathering all my good pieces that I left behind

And start a new day…

A new ME

As my motivation and spirit levitate

I got a promise, one to myself I made

And I know I got no time to hesitate

I want to achieve all the things I desire with my own bare hands

I want to kill all the envy in me, and just be me that I am able to be

I want to speak freely, hide nothing in me, as long as I don’t hurt anybody

I want to stand in front of the world, shining bright and feeling afraid no more

I want to breathe in peace, share all my love I have

I want to smell all the flowers I see, but let go of those that I can’t keep

I want to shout to the sky, so that my voice can be heard all over the universe

I want to smile with all my heart and shed less drops of tears…

I will not keep my voice inside of me…stop being invisible, as it kills me slowly…

I want to live so peacefully…

I no longer want to be anybody else but ME

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